Sunday, December 26, 2004

 
Ho, ho, ho my ass.

I don't know about yor neck of the woods, but here in LA this wasn't a very fucking merry Christmas at all. Seems like every year for a week or two before Christmas people are a little happier, nicer, slightly more polite, etc., and it seems to last until New Year's almost. Not this year. Everyone was just the same old assholes they are day in, day out. Seriously. I didn't detect a bit of Christmas spirit and frankly, I didn't produce much myself.

Maybe it's got something to do with our incredibly shitty president, our incredibly shallow, contemptous and self-absorbed populace, our incredibly, mind-bendingly crappy media, and all those fucking nutso fundamentalists and liberal-haters trying to turn this year's Christmas into some sort of Crusade of the righteously indignant.

Or maybe I just live around a lot of complete assholes. (I do)

I dunno, but I can tell you one thing- my new year's resolution is to be even less surprised by our society's decline into abject corruption and fear.

Merry damn crapmas crapohs!


posted by Tim 5:33 PM

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

 
Fuckwad roundup.

This blog sucks. It's pretty pointless and I never have time to nor even feel like posting in it, being that so many peope do such a great job at being good bloggers with something interesting to say, so mainly I want to direct you now to The Poor Man, because he's an awesome writer and the last couple days he's been saying what I'd like to say which is mainly this:

51% of the voting public are complete fucking morons, and it's high time we stopped being polite about politics, because these people are idiots and it really doesn't matter how tactful or respectful one acts, they're too fucking stupid to process anything that's even the tiniest step above a music video.

I don't know if you heard but internal FBI memos indicate torture was either put in place or OK'd by executive order.

We literally, LITERALLY have a criminal government. This isn't the low-level corruption we all accept cynically as inevitable, this is violation of human rights, international and domestic law.

Also, less serious but more revealing (also at Poor Man, the post before the linked one), 55 percent of Americans oppose drilling in ANWAR. So the question is, why the FUCK did some of those people vote for Bush?

Because we're a profoundly stupid country, which doesn't mind very real, very serious criminal activity- the kind we invade countries and depose governments for- at the highest office in the land.

Such an angry man, I am... I want to punch one of those people that gets pissed if you say "happy holidays" instead of merry christmas. wouldn't that be awesome?


posted by Tim 7:46 PM

Thursday, December 16, 2004

 
Ewwwwww.

Zell Miller is just an icky guy:

The American Conservative Union on Thursday announced it has tapped Sen. Zell Miller, D-Ga., to present the "Courage Under Fire" award to the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth at the Conservative Political Action Conference's Feb. 18 banquet.
...
"The swift boat veterans performed an invaluable service to America," Miller said in a statement. "These veterans took a lot of undeserved criticism for daring to speak the truth."

He's just so gross. There's no better way to put it.

I imagine up close he's got a very fine coating of slime on him.

Can I nominate him for the "Let's Kick 'em in the Balls!" awards? I guess I have to found the awards and then nominate him, but anyway, let's kick him in the balls.

Grossest old man EVER.


posted by Tim 9:28 PM

Sunday, December 12, 2004

 
So you know.

If I wake up somewhat refreshed and in a good mood I like to scream a lot.


posted by Tim 1:03 PM

Monday, December 06, 2004

 
This wouldn't fit...

At my film site, someguyproductions.com (the ol' wifey needs to fix the ol' movable type), so I'm putting it here because it's kind of funny.

Some of it is hack, but it's all pretty good. Enjoy.

Wedding Advice

Don't register and don't give anyone any present ideas. Rather, tell everyone that their coming to the wedding is "present enough". That way everyone will totally give you money.

Everyone will think you're weird if you have a lasagna instead of a cake, but screw them. Note: the cheese will scald you horribly, so forgo the "pushing of food into new spouse's mouth" thing.

You might think it will be funny to say "I do" in belches... Trust me, it will be the funniest thing ever.

Depending on what state you marry in, you may or may not be required to play "The Humpty Dance" at the reception. *

If during the vows one of you says, "When I first laid eyes upon you, it was like the cool, clean, menthol taste of Camel in the morning", Philip Morris will pay for the wedding.

You might think it'll be funny to have a cake top that totally doesn't look like you- for instance, if you had a cake top that was clearly of a Polynesian couple... but it's not. It's racist.

However, using one of those Mexican "day of the dead" skeleton couples as a cake top will guarantee your entry into the "This Year's Hippest Weddings" annual.

Give all your guests some of those disposable cameras. It's one more damn thing to deal with.

Studies show that a marraige is 78% more likely to end in divorce if there was a conga line at the reception. Be smart: Don't conga.

If the maid of honor passes out in the middle of the ceremony, don't do anything- proceed as normal. Otherwise people will be uncomfortable.

Everyone on earth has that one, absolutely perfect someone waiting for them somewhere. Don't speak to anyone you don't know between the engagement and the wedding, you'll just be asking for trouble.

Branson, Missouri is a wonderful place to spend a honeymoon. Branson, Missouri: "Ya'll havin' fun now, ya' hear?"

When the officiate mentions something about kissing he's referring to you, so listen up.

If you go on your honeymoon to a ritzy hotel on a Caribbean island don't feel bad about perpetuating the long, cruel legacy of colonialism. No really, don't. Relax.

If you spin it right, you can convince your spouse constant, crippling poverty is romantic.

If you go to Hawaii for your honeymoon stop in at Blockbuster and ask how Roy is doing. I'd sure like to know how ol' Roy is doing.

Practice "the kiss' over and over and over again so it looks spontaneous.

Give racist uncle Carl the super-important job of "folding table watch" to keep him out of trouble.

Announcing "we're gonna go do it now" is not a classy way to exit the reception.

Three goats is a pretty good bride price, but unless you want to hear about it for the rest of your life, hold out for four.

Two words: Subway caters.

[*- this joke totally made without any knowledge of what "The Humpty Dance" is at all.]
posted by Tim 10:11 PM

 
Quickly...

If a person doesn't "believe" in evolution they're an idiot. There is no more singular, complete test for complete dumbassery than that.

Yep. All them people who think they worship Jesus who believe the world is about 4 to 6,000 years old and was created in 6 literal days and go to church and go to school and drive to the store and walk and talk like they're regular human beings...

Idiots.

I'm sorry people, it's like not "believing" in gravity. It's not subject to belief, it's not dependant on faith, it's how things are.

You know, no where in the bible does Yaweh or Jesus tell you you need to be a fucking idiot in order to worship them properly. You can, I don't know, like in the real world, exist in reality as it is and still be a believer in your God.

See that? Believer. Your religion is dependant upon your faith- your belief. That means it's unique to you and personal, so shut the fuck up. Evolution is not dependant upon anything we creat in our minds- it's physics for the biological world, so it's a fact of life like the air we breath so it's not subject to the petty whims of some dumbass who doesn't want their kids to learn about the world around them.

I'm just randomly pissed right now. I'm done.


posted by Tim 9:38 PM

 
I'd loan you my shovel...

But you're doing a fine job digging that hole yourself:

The White House said on Monday it would borrow money to help pay for adding personal retirement accounts to Social Security, after ruling out tax increases to finance a transition experts say could cost $1 trillion to $2 trillion over 10 years.

$1 to $2 trillion. That means it's probably more like $2 to $3 trillion. Jesus Christ. What a fucking lunatic. Borrow $1 to $2 trillion in order to make social security one giant mutual funds account? Fuck.

If you think this is sound government you're a fucking idiot and you can go fuck off you idiot fuck fuck fuck. We're so fucking doomed.


posted by Tim 9:32 PM