... is getting ready to actually do the thing you got yourself into and have been planning to do for months. The previous two films I made I can't even really remember how I made them. Well, I guess what i can't remember is how the hell I got myself into them. Both I just sort of decided one day I was going to do it, took the first steps toward doing it, and once you take that first step it's either take the second, third ad forth steps and let the momentum carry you through to the end or puss out be a fucking loser.
So one day I just wake up and I made a movie and it cost me a shitload of money and all I can think about is how I should have done that or should have done this and should have prepared this way or thought about this thing, etc., etc. I know when I finish with this doc I'm going to notice all the millions of little things I should have done or should have thought of but didn't, and every time I look at the work I'm going to see everything that could have been and it will always be something less than it should be.
This is why you don't make movies on your own. This is why you make "film friends" and have too many people on the set rather than too few. But, damn! People suck. All the cool film people I meet are already set up with partners, everyone else is usually some sort of tool somehow. the big problem is everyone wants to be a writer/director, myself included. I have yet to meet anyone who wants to be a producer that isn't some dickhead assistant at a production company, making $400 a month max, daddy's paying the rent, or sometimes 5 people rent a 2 bedroom in the hills, driving, without fail, a new Volkswagon Jetta.
Maybe I'm bitter. In L.A. there's Hollywood, Hollywood wannabe's, avant-garde artistes, and more Hollywood wannabes. Ahhh, there's cool people, I know plenty of cool people and I've worked with them, but for the most part they're actors, so only good for one thing (no offence), or they're only cool as long as you can pay them. There's not a whole lot of people really, truly interested in learning and working on the craft of filmmaking; everyone just wants to get a deal. So, sometimes relationships only go as far as the other person thinks it's good for their career- and we're talking 'bout jerk-offs working for free, making shitty DV movies. It's bizarre, so monay countless people wanting to make it big in film and TV and so very few of them seem to be interested in crafting anything.
It's cliche', I know. Hollywood is a business and it's full of fakers, frauds, and whores of all sorts, it's true. But people who have nothing, no career, nothing under their belt, no history, no training, etc., people like me, most of them just play as if they're already there. As long as you go to the right bars, cafe's and hangouts; as long as you wear the right clothes, makeup, accessories; as long as you speak about the right things, know the right kind of people, and observe the right protocol, you don't need any talent. You don't need talent, brains, ability, skill... nothing. See, what's been created is a scene, and scenes are self-perpetuating machines. If you say you're a player, and the person next to you says you're a player, and you agree to say they're a player, and everyone agrees to say everyone is a player- you can all be the most disgusting, empty-headed, self-absorbed, vapid people on the planet- but you're all players.
It's a crappy movie, talentless hacks club. How the fuck does shit like Scooby Doo the movie get made? Man, everyone's in on it. Simple as that. There's lots of very smart, talented people in this town and working in film, but then there's also circle-jerks of self-important pinheads, surrounded by more pinheads, and they've all taken a vote and it's unanimous! They're all geniuses and goddamnit, let's make Charlies Angels III!
You can be talented or smart or skilled and somehow get your foot in the door or, if you're vacuous enough, you can just get in on the joke.
What the hell was I talking about?
Oh yeah, I'm freaking out. I don't wanna screw this up.
I apologize. I hereby publically (well, very small publically) apologize for ever considering, even for just one moment, voting for Arnold Shwartzeneggerererer in the recall election.
When he said Warren Buffet was coming on I got really excited, because I like Warren Buffet a lot, and for a brief few moments I actually contemplated voting for Shmarzentagger.
I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. The next time some rich, b-grade actor who's 30 years out from Germany, still carrying a just-off-Ellis-Island accent, says he's gonna run for governer and claims he can fix everything just by being tough and we won't have to raise taxes and we can fix everything through cutting spending even though we won't touch education but then education is half the budget and then there's medical and the prisons and police and fire and infrastructure and just how much does he think is left and says Warren Buffet's on his team... I'll keep my head on straight.
Let me tell you- I'm a punk with a camera, and any punk with a camera can make a movie, and very few punks with cameras deserve any sort of support for what they're doing because they're self-absorbed talentless jerks. I may be a self-absorbed talentless jerk, I honestly don't know if I'm any good at this stuff and I'm too introspective and (try to be) honest with myself to say I'm some sort of unnappreciated genius who deserves respect and money. I would never in a million years ask anyone to give me money for one of my narrative films. Those are for me. I want to figure out if I'm good at it, I want to pursue it as an enriching my soul-brother as well as a career goal. I would never have the gall to ask anyone to give me dough for Sexy Zombies II!
This is different because I'm adding a piece of recorded history to the consensus vault of knowledge. I'm gonna get this guy's unique stories down and preserve them, and I feel that that's just barely noble enough to try to get other people to help out.
I'm shooting the week after next, if you got the time please read about the film, and if you have a blog linking to me would be fabulous; if you're wealthy beyond my wildest dreams, donating a couple bucks would be great. Thanks. posted by Tim
Thursday, August 14, 2003
The National Archives has photos and film of the Burma campaign. If I would have used my head a month ago I'd have my hands on some of that stuff. Oh yeah, this is about the film, mentioned below (too lazy to make a link right now).
But it's still good news because if it's not too expensive I'll have archival footage to use in the doc. Which is cool. But, I've spent a buttload of $$ on this already and I'm getting tapped out.
One more time- if you find any worth in this project I'd appreciate it is you'd link to my request. There may be a few more people out there who have a few bucks burning a hole in their pocket that think this is a worthy endeavor, and boy oh boy could I use some help... did I mention I'm up to about $3000 now? posted by Tim
National security adviser Condoleezza Rice (news - web sites) likened Iraq (news - web sites)'s halting steps toward self-government to black Americans' struggle for civil rights, imploring black journalists Thursday to reject arguments that some people are incapable of democracy.
"We've heard that argument before, and we, more than any, as a people, should be ready to reject it," Rice, who is black, told about 1,200 people at the National Association of Black Journalists convention.
"The view was wrong in 1963 in Birmingham, and it is wrong in 2003 in Baghdad and in the rest of the Middle East," she said.
"We should not let our voice waver in speaking out on the side of people who are seeking freedom," Rice said. "And we must never, ever indulge in the condescending voices who allege that some people in Africa or in the Middle East are just not interested in freedom, they're culturally just not ready for freedom or they just aren't ready for freedom's responsibilities."
Rice said White House officials often turn to her on issues of race, and she infused her discussion of Iraq with references to slavery and America's civil rights battles of the 1960s.
"Our own history should remind us that the union of democratic principle and practice is always a work in progress," Rice said in reference to Iraq.
"When the founding fathers said, 'We, the people,' they did not mean the people in this room," Rice said, her overwhelmingly black audience silent. "Our ancestors were three-fifths of a man."
Oh, so now people who criticise US foreign policy are racists.
This administration has no shame. "Conservatives" have no shame. This women has no shame, and perhaps it seems, no soul.
I can't imagine a worse administration that isn't actually composed of alien conquering overlords.
What a lousy blog this has become. As soon as I'm not focusing on the film I'll get back to bitching and pseudo-philosophical musings, but for the time being I'm going to focus on the documentary in the hopes that maybe a few more people will help out, or someone with some equipment in Seattle stumbles upon it.
I'm anxious to go back to my previous blog theme, which was "whatever yapping I feel like doing when it so happens I have a few minutes to type", because I have a lot to share with the world, stuff like:
Ohh, my neck hurts.
Why I own only one big, red sock.
Everyone I hate, their names, addresses, and reasons they should be shunned.
And: Hammerhead. My favorite Star Wars guy?
But for now, it's movie stuff. And so far as a quick accounting I've spent about $2500 on it. It'll probably take another $1000 till it's completed- just to give you an idea of the sort of $$ involved in even the simplest films.
And of course because I've taken god's name in vain so many times, and frequently say things like "jesus Shmeesus", my car broke down and I spent $500 on it... only to have the problem remain. Now it's at another shop and who knows how much it's going to cost me this time.
So... well, just so.
-- Oh yeah, I forgot -- If you've got lots of money and are in the market for good deals on California Municipal bonds- I can sell them to you. I'm a licensed broker (though my main job is not selling) and if you're rich, you should be in bonds anyway, so buy them from me and you'll be helping a cash-strapped lad out.